I am going to be honest. I can really fall for B. I really do. everything about him is easy. He challenges me without insulting me. He had no problem with me having more power than him. He is an easy person to talk to. It is easy to fall for him. But, something seems to holding me back. He is not R. He is different. I don't feel the way I'm feeling with R when I talk to B. It is so annoying. I hold R up so high on my mind it became sort of standard. It is not easy to not compare everyone I pass by with R. I tried not to. I tried to remind myself that R also did so many things that messed my insecurities up. But I guess, familiarity is a fucked up concept. You become familiar with someone, with the way they do everything to you, than you make yourself immune to anything other people are trying to do to you. It is a concept I want so hard to escape.